“I love you, you’re perfect, now change”. One broadway show, one incredibly apt summation of the marital condition. Its truly an unpredictable and ever-changing entity. Calling it a rollercoaster, full of high-highs and stomach-dropping lows is probably not a bad analogy either.

I’d like to introduce you to my rollercoaster, “Mr. Wonderful”

I know what you’re thinking, but this is not a Sex and the City reference. He gave that nickname to himself. He thinks he’s punny.

On a more or less average day back in 2006

Him: “Watch this babe”

Me: “Can you NOT turn brunch into some weird adventure”

Hostess: “Name for the waiting list please”

Him: “They call me Mr. Wonderful”

20 Minutes later, in the middle of a loud, crowded waiting room…

Hostess: “Mr. Wonderful? I’m looking for Mr. Wonderful”

Needless to say…it stuck.

Being real with you, this man truly is, effectively Mr. Wonderful. He makes this particular ball of creative stress feel pretty special every day (not every minute of every day, but every day). Props to those of you who got the second SATC reference.

Those other moments, he’s…well, my polar opposite. Do with that what you will, but let’s be frank, its not all unicorns, butterflies, and orgasms up in here. This is 15+ years of committed relationship we’re talking about. There’s been some mess. The mess is necessary to counteract all the happiness…we wouldn’t want a state of bliss to start feeling routine.

For those of you who are in your own rollercoaster relationships with someone that makes you feel special, I want you to keep that in mind. When we love, we give someone control of our trigger button. Its not your fault, its not theirs, but it is definitely something you’ll both have to learn to deal with. No relationship should ever be a state of constant happiness, or constant unhappiness.

Learn to embrace the bumps and turns. And for f*ck’s sake, don’t ignore systemic problems if you have them. That’s not normal. The best way to understand the difference between a rollercoaster dip and a mechanical issue: talk to each other! The only way Mr. Wonderful and I ever make it through anything is through a commitment to understanding each other, and let me tell you, that can take some time and some work.

Speaking of mess, I’ll give you an everyday example

Mr. Wonderful loves it when the house is pristine. As a matter of fact, so do I. Mr. Wonderful really just wants the surfaces clear and nothing in sight. I prefer to leave the clutter out where I can see it until it makes me so crazy I have to deal with it. Then I put it away in its rightful place, scrub all the spots, maybe polish a window or two and *voila* pristine house.

Mr. Wonderful…well, he’ll come home from work, shove the clutter in a closet or a drawer, maybe spit polish a counter, and he’s good to go. You see where the dichotomy is here. We’re constantly fighting over the location of the clutter; counter vs. closet. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had to re-establish a system for cleaning the house in tandem so one of us does not get all cranky over not having it how we like it.

What I want you to get out of this is that, beyond our inability to agree on leaving the damn mess out until we can pick it up together, there is a common goal in our relationship. Each one of us wants the same thing, and even if we’re not capable of understanding the other’s method to achieve that goal, its pretty wonderful to be in that place. Wonderful to have common goals, even in the uncommon struggle to achieve them.

So, marriage. “I love you, you’re perfect, I’ll work on change so we can ride this thing together.” Try it, I promise its wonderful.

XOXO,

Photo Credits: Orenda Imaging