You learn much more about yourself by how you fail than you do by accomplishing even a small victory. I know there’s many of us in this moment who are incredibly anxious, even scared. Whether “the worst” has already happened to you during our current global crisis, or whether you are one of millions who are looking at the horizon and worrying about being sick, or jobless, or homeless, or some combination of any of the above…I’m here to promise you, you can make it through.

How, you ask? Because you are you. Because you are strong. Because even “the worst” is an opportunity for growth, as horrible a prospect as that may seem. Because we are, all of us, stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I can tell you this from a place of complete, bald-faced honesty and personal experience. Whatever situation you think is the end of the world, it is only the end if you give up.

By now, whether you are a long-time friend and reader, or a new recruit, you may have realized there’s a white elephant in my virtual room. It’s name: Nuorikko. The big question: What happened?? Yes, I’ve addressed some of the final moments and after-effects on this blog, but there is a long lead-up to the conclusion of Nuorikko that its time for me to tell. Get ready for a bit of no-holds-barred honesty, some of which I haven’t even allowed myself to express to myself before this post. You ready? Me neither…

Shop My Look

As the rocks clink in my scotch glass, I sigh, realizing this post is long overdue. I am also far from prepared to write it. Rocks-clinking is just one more avoidance tactic, and it turns out I’m very good at those when it comes to this topic. This is most likely the condition of working to address, head-on, a life-altering experience that still hasn’t fully settled comfortably for me. It may never fully settle in a way that I can easily explain, because it required me to do what so many of us long for, and never truly find the means and will to do: embrace Systemic, Deeply Personal, Change.

I also realize, as I face the same global crisis and fears that all of you are facing, that Systemic, Deeply Personal, Change is what the world will face in the coming weeks and months. The collapse of my business and my sense of self was really not so different than what many of us will face as our jobs, societies, communities, and lives shift irrevocably following the future resolution of this pandemic. If one slightly neurotic blonde can make it through “the worst”, I have faith that so can we all.

First, I Need to Backtrack

From the very beginning, Nuorikko was an entity that was born of big pipe dreams and primarily motivated by fear. Yes, there was a huge heaping serving of hope, not a small side of excitement, and a whole lot of hubris that said I had a concept that was better than the majority of what I’d encountered in almost 15 years working in the industry I was trying to shake up. The crux was, from the first moment I dreamed up the business to the day I shut it down, fear was the rocket fuel that kept Nuorikko moving, oftentimes in a direction I had no control over.

I’m no stranger to addressing, head on, that which is difficult. I’ve done it my entire life, usually with impressive results, higher-than average test scores and full marks for satisfaction from the relevant parties. Never, in any other circumstance, have I allowed fear to drive my decisions or my direction. Needless to say, I have first-hand irrevocable proof that you won’t get anywhere good if you allow it into the drivers seat.

Nuorikko, from the moment of its conception, wasn’t another thing that I could just power through for the win. It was born out of my desperation to escape a job that was worse than anything I could have imagined, up to and including the boss that made me relive some of the worst emotional moments of my childhood in every meeting. So, what did I do? Something normal, like find another job? Of course not. I went out, found a couple of business partners who were, at best, about half as committed as I was, and I launched myself at a startup as a Hail Mary pass for the win at a career I refused to admit had staled for me a decade previously.

Oh, Good. You’re Starting to Get the Picture.

I was playing a game with near-impossible odds. I’m not talking about being a startup founder, which does have a pretty discouraging success rate, especially for female founders. I’m talking about the fact that I was pinning my future and no small amount of personal capital on something I only partially believed in, mostly because it sounded good and I was trying to force my way into being someone I thought I should be. I remember saying near the beginning, “I won’t fail, because if I fail, I think I may actually just give up and die.” What could possibly go wrong with this scenario??

News flash: failure is always an option.

News flash, for those of you who need it: failure is always an option. And I did. I failed bigger than I imagined I could. I built something that garnered international awards but didn’t have enough working capital to make it through even one month of lower-than-expected sales. I ran out on responsibilities, unceremoniously released employees, and filed for personal and corporate bankruptcy. At one point, I was pretty sure the situation was also going to be the end of my marriage, not to mention several personal relationships that were obviously in it only for what I could do for them as an entrepreneur. I never imagined a world in which I would experience even one, not to mention all, of these things. That doesn’t change the fact that they all happened in violent and breathtaking succession within the space of only a few weeks. Despite my earlier dramatic prediction, I didn’t give up and die even in the face of total personal failure.

At the point that it all started falling apart like a house of bricks built on a cardboard foundation, I realized I still had choices. The first, was to be truly honest with myself about how I had gotten to this point and what I needed to do to avoid making more mistakes like this in the future. The second, was not to let the feelings and the experience of fear and failure dictate how I approached whatever came next. Finally, I chose to share my fears and failings with those around me who could help…and of course they did.

As I worked through the many phases of acceptance over the course of nearly a year, I realized that I would inevitably be ok, even successful as time went on. I also realized I had an opportunity to learn from the mistakes I had made that brought me to the point where I was on my knees, and build a stronger foundation so I didn’t fall down there again. Whether your “worst” is of your own making, as mine was, or the result of circumstances out of your control, you can use the same process to resurrect a phoenix from the ashes.

3 Things You Need to Do In Order to Make it Through The Worst

1 Take Time to Feel. You can try to run away from your feelings and pretend that everything is copasetic. This is, at best, a stall tactic. If I know one thing about emotions, especially the tough ones, its that they do not just go away because you want them to. The only way out of the emotional woods is through, so you may as well allow yourself the time and the space to work through whatever it is you’re dealing with.

Know, also, that you will have to do this more than once. There is no life-defining moment with only one stage of emotional crisis. You will always face a few, and you’ll have to work through them in whatever time it takes. There is no scheduling a recovery or a come-back, you just have to take the time to feel how you feel before you can attempt to move on to step two.

2 Take Time to Heal. Acknowledgement of pain is one thing. Allowing time for the healing process is quite another. Without working through and developing scar tissue over the site of the injuries, you simply cannot move into any kind of reasonable future. Scar tissue is a mark of experience, but without proper healing your pain is more like a wrecking ball chained to your foot.

There are those within my family and friend group who are a very unfortunate example of having been through horrible circumstances and just stitched their wounds shut without allowing them to heal. Those who do this never move on, they’ll only carry that same pain with around and it will influence every circumstance and decision they face for the rest of their life. I suppose you could call it fortunate that I had those examples, and I took the time to work on not becoming one of them. The takeaway I want you all to internalize is this: even if you don’t like pain, even if you wish it would pass more quickly, allow your healing to take as much time as it takes.

3 Share Your Experience. Its both cathartic and healing for you. It helps those who have also been through “the worst” know that they’re not alone. Finally, I guarantee you’ll find some help to get you through your dark days if you simply bring yourself to ask. This is really what a community and a society is all about, is it not??

I close with this thought. I am still recovering and working through the steps to heal from my own “worst”. The fact that I’m even in the midst of that process means that its possible. I know that whatever comes of our current global crisis will be something I can weather. I have no doubt it will affect me, everyone around me, and the world and the economy I live in; but it is only the end if we give up.

XOXO,