Today, I am 35. It’s a day, much like any other day in recent weeks. Unremarkable in its way, and yet I’ve realized as it approached that this day also has a profound significance. For whatever reason, I tend to have decade-defining moments on the 5’s of my personal age tally, not the aughts. Perhaps it’s my stubborn and contrary nature, or maybe it’s just my star sign.

When I was 5, I became a sibling. 15 was one of the more enlightening years of my teenage career, and the age I also decided I was truly a fashionista, not just a Wyoming girl. 25 was marked by the first big break in my career. At 30, I calmly stated that I liked my life, and went about my business, pretending all would be smooth from here on out.

Little did I know, I would spend several years of my early 30’s turning my comfortable life and my own personal measure of self worth on its head more than once, endangering my very sense of self. You could argue that I have a tendency for self-sabotage, but I would counter that I’m sure-footed and hard-headed enough that I would never learn anything if God didn’t throw me into extreme situations from time to time. The fact that sometimes they’re of my own making is beside the point.

You grow around your injuries. They become part of you. You can either harden or soften around them.

It turns out, the most recent chaos I created for myself turned out pretty positively when all of the dust started to settle, but it was in no way straightforward or painless. Suffice it to say, that at this point, it seems my Something-5 year birthday shakeup is becoming a pattern, and so I may as well embrace the fact that 35 is another example of an age that will define me in ways I never thought probable.

Change is Inevitable

There’s a really only one constant in life. Change. Also sometimes marked by time. It happens whether you are watching it or not, presenting myriad ways in which you can either learn and grow, or become more stubborn, set in your ways, and uncomfortable with the shape of the world around you. I think, in many ways, it is just simple human nature to do the latter. Its very normal to be stubborn, and pretend to be comfortable in the cocoon of familiarity. The problem with that, as I’ve already mentioned, is that nothing around you stays the same. The world moves and turns and creates chaos, and you will inevitably be kicked around by it in ways you never saw coming.

There’s a subset of the stubborn path, one which I exercised almost flawlessly in the first half of my life: to ignore the shifts in your life, and pretend that absolutely none of them cause any pain or emotion. This makes you look and feel strong, but its the equivalent of building a fancy house without a foundation. It is a fact that we all will sustain some life injuries, from our families, our own experiences, our relationships, our jobs, or something else. Choosing not to acknowledge them is the equivalent of pretending you don’t need rehab after a major surgery. That scar tissue will eventually define your ability. You grow around your injuries. They become part of you. You can either harden or soften around them. The only way to make them a part of a life in which you can move forward comfortably, is to address them, work on them even though it hurts, and acknowledge they are a part of you.

Learn the Lessons Life Teaches You, Not the Lessons You “Want” to Learn

Today, I am 35. I remember days in my past when I “decided” I would be a certain person doing a certain thing by this day. It turns out, my life and my career are very different than I had planned. My goals, and the order of importance I give all the elements of my life are also very different than I always assumed they would be.

I did not embrace these differences easily. I had to basically rehab my psyche, working and stretching and examining all of the emotional and physical parts of myself. Finally, I found that the sites of all of those old injuries, some self-inflicted, some inflicted by other factors, had softened enough I could move as I wanted to, and enjoy my current place in life without creating new injuries to ignore.

That, my friends, is the lesson I have learned, that makes this birthday so significant. You cannot control what happens to you, only how you react to it. In this, you give yourself the freedom to actually become someone you admire.

Let us hope I continue to live that lesson as I embark on the next decade. I guess I’ll check in with you at 45!!

XOXO,